All I want for Christmas
by Passion
Summary: What the People of Smallville got for Christmas. Clark wrapped up in a bow anyone?


I don't own anything in connection to Smallville, United Air Lines or Rogaine. Everything else is my own weird imagination. ========================================================================  
  
What the people of Smallville got for Christmas.  
  
Lionel: He did not receive any gifts from any one. He thinks gifts are a symbol of weakness. Bah Humbug. He did, however, give himself United Air Lines. He bought the company so he could claim it as a gift and write it off on his taxes.  
  
Lana: From Chloe she got a gift certificate to the mall. Lana is spending it on lip-gloss. From Nell she got a new saddle and an offer to move to Metropolis again. The saddle she likes, Metropolis she doesn't. She got Pete wrapped up in a bow, and only a bow. She'll save him for later. Several meteor freaks tried to abduct her and make her their love slave. Ewww! And from Clark she got . . . him wrapped in only a bow. Pete stole his idea. She led him on and then ran off with one of the meteor rock freaks. Hey! A girl has to have some hot guy to tease and then break his heart and then drag him along for years thinking he has a chance with her when he really dose not. But anyway . . . Lex gave her a new set of coffee mugs, to replace the ones she broke, all fifty-two of them.  
  
Chloe: From Lana she got a gift Certificate. Lip-gloss and hair gel watch out! Here she comes! From her dad she got several outfits, books and other cool stuff. Ohmygod! A complete outfit and hair gel! Chloe had the best Christmas ever. From Pete she got the book 'X-Files Guide To The Universe'. It was a joke, really. She got some of the runoff meteor rock freaks that were going after Lana. They were not very intelligent. Clark gave her a Sherlock Holmes hat and a Star Trek mouse pad for her super reporting sleuth capabilities and for her desktop. Later, he came by and gave her him self wrapped up only in a bow. He didn't tell her that he was originally for Lana but when she ran off with the freak he decided to go for second best. He then left her to rescue Lana from the clutches of the freak she ran off with. Can't a cute girl get some play? Lex gave her Coffee and Chocolate. Her two favorite things! Go Lex!  
  
Pete: From Lana he got frostbite. She made him stand outside with only a bow on. It's cold outside! From his parents he got the book 'Dummies Guide To Being A Black Man'. He's from Kansas, how was he supposed to know that every Black Man runs for his life when he sees a creepy White dude toss Superman across the yard? Damn. Parents expect everything! From Chloe he got the book 'Dummies Guide To Being The Only Black Man In Smallville'. Funny. Real funny. Clark got him the anniversary edition of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Bless that man. Lex tried to give him something but he got ran off by Pete's dad and a semi automatic oozy.  
  
Martha: From Jonathan she got him in cowboy boots, a Stetson, and a bow. He didn't get frostbite. In fact, they kept very warm. Together. From Clark she got a dress shirt for work, which was exactly what she needed. Lex gave her earplugs to have when Lionel is in one of his ranting moods. How thoughtful.  
  
Jonathan: From Martha he got her in nothing but a lacey negligee. Back to the keeping warm, together. From Clark he got a new flannel shirt. That thoughtful boy. From Lex he got a T-Shirt that said 'I haven't tried to shoot a Luthor with my shotgun in a week. Go me!' Needless to say, Jonathan will wear it proudly until he gets the urge to shoot Lex or his father again.  
  
Lex: Poor Lex. Santa didn't get him anything this year. Guess he didn't get the memo saying that Lex had actually been a good boy this year. There's a first time for everything. Martha talked Lionel into getting Lex a present. So from his dad, or Martha, he got a seven hundred dollar flannel shirt. It was plaid with purple, blue, and black stripes. At least Martha knows his favorite colors. Maybe she would adopt him. A bald man can always hope. From Rogaine he got a one years supply of hair grower. Cute. Let's see how cute they are when Lex gains the company in a hostile take over and 'disappears' whoever sent him the product. But he's not evil. A humanitarian group named 'Save Lex Luthor From The Dark Side' sent him a Hug Slave so that whenever he gets his feelings hurt or is contemplating taking over the world, the Hug Slave will give him a big bear hug. It would have worked if he hadn't seduced the Hug Slave and she hadn't turned out to be a crazy psycho nut bent on destroying him and his father. On a lighter note she didn't sleep with his father to get back at Lex. From Clark he got a Smallville ornament and a pair of jeans to go with his flannel shirt. Maybe the Kent's would adopt him.  
  
Clark: From Lana Clark got the shaft. Again. Oh, and the book, 'Losers Guide To Getting A Clue'. Ouch! From Chloe, the book 'Dummies Guide To Dating'. Double ouch! Gee, can you tell who the jaded ex-obsession roommates are? From Pete he got a Cyclops action figure. Men who have blue tights and eye rays should stick together. Riiight. From mom and dad he got flannel button up shirts. Red, his favorite color. He also got jeans, and a new pair of boots. Much hugging followed. On a more embarrassing note he also got flannel underwear. "MOM!" Lex wanted to give Clark a car, but from experience knew that would be a bad idea. So, instead Clark got a small country. No, he really got a collection of classic books. Those Luthors really know how to party. Woo! Hoo! 


End file.
